Escapades

Ahh the rigors of writing a new blog. I'll have to institute a new password for certain blogs, this will be: dharma, raynor, ultralisk, nifty, kindred. Over the last 4 days i've discovered a few foolproof methods for meeting hot women. They include: wearing disgusting workout clothes into the local grocery, doing something flagrantly violating the law, or concoct a beautifully constructed plan as you go to your old college bars. The last one i'll elaborate on.

So my contingent consisted of an intelligent baseball player (had acid reflux and proved to be completely useless), a law school student (went missing but has a generally negative view on life anyway), and his friend who was still in college but randomly turned out to be awesome (Andrew). Andrew and I proceeded to have an epic meeting of the minds amidst multiple bicardi and cokes. I spent no less than one hour in this two man cabal coming up with the ideal women at this bar (Picked from the throngs of women with...good personalities. College bars have tons of them) and the ideal plan to deal with said women.

Phase: 1. pick out two women who look like they didn't just turn 21. A.K.A. might actually be my age (25).
2. make sure they are without male consorts
3. send out wingman (in this case the new friend) to buy drinks 5 minutes prior to
4. pretend you work at beer company and you are given free beers every 15 minutes.
5. improvise


Game time. I pinpoint the lucky women who get the chance to talk to me. They've been having a ribald conversation for at least 20 minutes with no interruption. That was about to change.

I shrug my shoulders and enter hostile territory speaking first to the Asian girl, "You look like Lucy Liu." Needless to say this was met with silence. Without skipping a beat I turn to the white girl, "I don't know how to tell you this but your friend is racist." After this, my read on emotions went straight to hell. She seemed to think it was funny but you can't rely on friend bashing to get you through an entire conversation. Andrew makes his timely entrance. The white girl lucidly responds, "Why doesn't he have a miller shirt on?" Unwilling to relinquish the falsehood of our plan I jump immediately to step 5, "I told him it looked ridiculous and made him take it off at the last bar." White girl immediately dawns a suspicious demeanor and within the next 3 minutes they wave over two guys, who I have to assume were escorts, and the night was done.

Overall I feel like Andrew and I were onto a major revelation. We had the untapped support of the baseball player (I won't name him but his nickname is Buck) and the law student (you know who you are). Surely with our combined intellects success would have prevailed. It clearly failed that night but optimism was extracted and future endeavors will be undertaken...ladies beware.