I love purchasing things in bulk quantity. Costco has been the single highest grossing corporation by at least three slices of pie according to the graphic of my wells fargo spending report. Somehow, they've reached into the furthest depths of my mind and analyzed me better than I ever could. They don't even have to say anything. I can imagine what they are thinking, "He seems like a smart guy, if he eats one granola bar every morning, he would be saving himself countless trips to the store if he bought 150 granola bars right now." I have to agree. That does seem like a savvy buy. Step 1 complete. Step 2, get me to come back to the store. Mission....failed!! What now Costco, I have 150 granola bars, I don't need you anymore. Thank god I had nothing to do this afternoon and found this deal, cause you are going out of business very soon. 30 days go buy. I reach down into my stash and... nothing. Somehow I managed to consume 150 granola bars in 30 days. How is that even possible?
The short of it is, Costco cheated. Costco knew I loved looking at stacks of food and that I love things to be even and symmetrical. There is no symmetry when I have my regular stash of food and then a forklift of granola bars. Obviously, I'm going to spend all my waking hours eating granola bars; I need to even out the stack.
I took a moment to think about it and I literally remembered a day where I nearly had to vomit because I was so sick of granola bars but ate them anyway. I mean, it was the smart thing to do financially. I could go out and buy dinner, or I could eat 8 granola bars.
If you can't beat them, join them. I am now proud to say my stacks of apples, yogurt, energy drinks, gatorade, vitamin water, granola bars, and frozen meat are equally huge. Somehow, I still find a reason to go back every two weeks.
A last thought on the energy drinks they sell. I'm currently trying one called "zipfizz" the side of the box reads, "41,667% Vitamin B12." Just below that it reads "4-6 hours of energy." I'm here to tell you that there is a typo in that second quotation. It should in fact read, "4-6 minutes of energy." My advice to all those who drink it, be prepared. You are going to experience the 5 most productive minutes of your life followed by an instant nap while your body shuts off and reboots. Try not to stand around anything sharp.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
New Job
Things that suck:
1. The endless cycle of not being able to sleep, knowing you need sleep, becoming more awake with the aggravation of not being able to sleep.
2. The realization that I cannot sleep because I know the ignorant fool I argued with today is sleeping like a baby, comforted by thoughts of his righteous 'victory' over my supreme 'ignorance.' This is partially what has led me to my hypothesis that when two people leave an argument, each thinking the other is a detriment to the human race, the person actually diluting the gene pool is the one who isn't bothered by the others idiocy six hours later.
3. Taco Bell not delivering to my house.
Things that rock:
1. Hot sauce
2. Me, after a successful song on guitar hero.
3. Sinking the final cup in beer pong.
4. Anyone, after a successful song on guitar hero.
I would like to mention that I am entering my 18th day working as a personal trainer at Prairie Life (pause for applause). I would also like to mention that my current streak of days passed without having to tell someone he needed to leave because his nipples were showing has ended at 17 days.
1. The endless cycle of not being able to sleep, knowing you need sleep, becoming more awake with the aggravation of not being able to sleep.
2. The realization that I cannot sleep because I know the ignorant fool I argued with today is sleeping like a baby, comforted by thoughts of his righteous 'victory' over my supreme 'ignorance.' This is partially what has led me to my hypothesis that when two people leave an argument, each thinking the other is a detriment to the human race, the person actually diluting the gene pool is the one who isn't bothered by the others idiocy six hours later.
3. Taco Bell not delivering to my house.
Things that rock:
1. Hot sauce
2. Me, after a successful song on guitar hero.
3. Sinking the final cup in beer pong.
4. Anyone, after a successful song on guitar hero.
I would like to mention that I am entering my 18th day working as a personal trainer at Prairie Life (pause for applause). I would also like to mention that my current streak of days passed without having to tell someone he needed to leave because his nipples were showing has ended at 17 days.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
A Stranger in a Strange Land
After spending two months living with two members of the female species I have made several observations which I'm sure can be generalized to every women...ever:
1.I can tell you exactly what time they got out of bed every day that I've spent the night here (despite the fact that I live in the basement)
2.They love making lots of food and eating a small amount of it, in effect, leaving the freezer and fridge near max capacity at all times
3.They possess an intense affection for small dogs both of which (the affection and dog) annoy the bejesus out of me
4.They are very linear thinkers. Whatever the current problem is, it has the same relevance as an asteroid about to hit Earth.
5.Their obsession with men far surpasses men's obsession with women. The difference is probably in the fact that their obsession is multifaceted, contrasted to men's very singular obsession.
I feel akin to Jane Goodall; if I could replace apes with humans. I'm essentially living with a married couple and a less clearly defined couple that has the scent of something you would see on the “Jersey Shore.” Unfortunately, I have yet to see any guys with the same disposition as “The Situation.” Yet, the wine does flow like water, there is still hope.
1.I can tell you exactly what time they got out of bed every day that I've spent the night here (despite the fact that I live in the basement)
2.They love making lots of food and eating a small amount of it, in effect, leaving the freezer and fridge near max capacity at all times
3.They possess an intense affection for small dogs both of which (the affection and dog) annoy the bejesus out of me
4.They are very linear thinkers. Whatever the current problem is, it has the same relevance as an asteroid about to hit Earth.
5.Their obsession with men far surpasses men's obsession with women. The difference is probably in the fact that their obsession is multifaceted, contrasted to men's very singular obsession.
I feel akin to Jane Goodall; if I could replace apes with humans. I'm essentially living with a married couple and a less clearly defined couple that has the scent of something you would see on the “Jersey Shore.” Unfortunately, I have yet to see any guys with the same disposition as “The Situation.” Yet, the wine does flow like water, there is still hope.
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