End of an era

The epoch where I room with two women has finally come to a grinding halt. But, I couldn't have asked for it to end a better way. My uncool roommate, who was dating "the situation," (I've chosen to continue calling him 'the situation' mostly because I can't figure out what the fuck is wrong with him, not because you can fly an aircraft off of his abs) finally validated my previously unbelieved claims that they were...doing the gorilla march. Validated those claims for an astounding 80 minutes. Who last 80 minutes? I can't remember a porno I've seen that was longer than 30 and those guys get paid. Clearly this dude is some sort of bedroom Optimus Prime. I'm not even sure who I should call to report this stallion. Maybe I can get a cut of the finders fee. I am still awaiting the resolution of this conflict though. My response was to hurry my move out date. My roommate who owns the house has fewer options. She elected to send an email which hilariously documents her disgust in such a way that you feel like you're reading an office letter, "and so...if you feel certain desires overtake you, do try to be as discrete as possible to prevent disrupting the work of your fellow employees." I can't imagine a situation where I confront them that doesn't end with me high five-ing 'the situation' and then, downtrodden, retreating to my room for some serious soul searching; trying vainly to put together how this most unimpressive of men morphs into captain planet once the night hits.