Shopping

I love purchasing things in bulk quantity. Costco has been the single highest grossing corporation by at least three slices of pie according to the graphic of my wells fargo spending report. Somehow, they've reached into the furthest depths of my mind and analyzed me better than I ever could. They don't even have to say anything. I can imagine what they are thinking, "He seems like a smart guy, if he eats one granola bar every morning, he would be saving himself countless trips to the store if he bought 150 granola bars right now." I have to agree. That does seem like a savvy buy. Step 1 complete. Step 2, get me to come back to the store. Mission....failed!! What now Costco, I have 150 granola bars, I don't need you anymore. Thank god I had nothing to do this afternoon and found this deal, cause you are going out of business very soon. 30 days go buy. I reach down into my stash and... nothing. Somehow I managed to consume 150 granola bars in 30 days. How is that even possible?

The short of it is, Costco cheated. Costco knew I loved looking at stacks of food and that I love things to be even and symmetrical. There is no symmetry when I have my regular stash of food and then a forklift of granola bars. Obviously, I'm going to spend all my waking hours eating granola bars; I need to even out the stack.

I took a moment to think about it and I literally remembered a day where I nearly had to vomit because I was so sick of granola bars but ate them anyway. I mean, it was the smart thing to do financially. I could go out and buy dinner, or I could eat 8 granola bars.

If you can't beat them, join them. I am now proud to say my stacks of apples, yogurt, energy drinks, gatorade, vitamin water, granola bars, and frozen meat are equally huge. Somehow, I still find a reason to go back every two weeks.

A last thought on the energy drinks they sell. I'm currently trying one called "zipfizz" the side of the box reads, "41,667% Vitamin B12." Just below that it reads "4-6 hours of energy." I'm here to tell you that there is a typo in that second quotation. It should in fact read, "4-6 minutes of energy." My advice to all those who drink it, be prepared. You are going to experience the 5 most productive minutes of your life followed by an instant nap while your body shuts off and reboots. Try not to stand around anything sharp.